The Beginning of the End by mynameisham, literature
Literature
The Beginning of the End
By the time you get this message,
We’ll have tried so hard,
Come so far,
To the fork in the road,
In the empty street,
On our way to better things.
Moving along,
With pockets full of dreams,
Like you know us to.
It’s in times like these,
We learn to live,
What we’re made of,
To stand on our own,
To break our cages,
And to never let our fears,
Decide our fates.
You're sick,
they say.
Matter-of-fact,
Tight lipped.
The way they do.
With what,
you say.
Eyes wide,
Face pale.
The way you do.
Don't know,
they say.
Faces down,
Cheeks red.
The way they do.
Why not,
you say.
Eyes narrow,
Brows raised.
The way you do.
Just don't,
they say.
Hands shaking,
Eyes everywhere,
Except on you.
How long,
you say.
Eyes grey,
Hope leaving.
They way you do.
Not long,
they say.
Hands twitching,
Admiting defeat.
The way they do.
Oh,
you say,
Giving up,
Calming down.
The way you do.
The way you do.
I'm not okay.
I'm stressed,
I'm tired,
I'm damaged,
I'm worried.
Worried about the future,
Tomorrow,
Next week,
Next Month,
Next Year.
I'm not okay,
But I'm coping.
And right now,
Thats the best I can do.
I'm sorry.
Sorry that I'm not perfect,
That I have flaws,
That I have anger.
I'm sorry,
Sorry for the ADHD,
For the ignorance,
For the pain.
I'm sorry,
Sorry for being gay,
For being born,
For being me.
I'm sorry.
It's strange for me...
I could be out of here in an instant,
Yet I stay and fight.
But I'm a coward.
So why is this gun in my mouth?
Why is my finger on the trigger?
The taste is cold and metalic.
I can feel the muzzle scrape against the roof of my mouth.
I imagine the bullet ripping through my brain.
It would be quick.
So quick that I wouldn't feel a thing,
Wouldn't hear my mothers sobs.
No.
That would mean that they'd won,
That I'd just given up.
I put the weapon down.
Not today,
Not tomorrow,
Not ever.
I will go on living.
I will never surrender.
I am the known unknown,
Recognized by children and children alone.
I am the force,
Driving your back to the wall.
I am hidden,
A constant behind the mask of courage.
I am the snake,
The fall,
The darkenss in us all.
I am what lurks in the corners of your mind/
I am fear.